What is the prime time midlife thing all about? Why is it so important?
This is kind of "heady" academic stuff that you may find interesting.
The Natural Process of Adult Development
Much of my understanding about midlife is informed by psychoanalyst Carl Jung, and the works of many who were inspired by his way of looking at life. Jung's belief was that midlife crisis is a spiritual crisis; a profound inflection point in one's life. Midlife is a time of entering into the heart of a sacred question - that is a deep dialogue with the self – about who we have been, who we are becoming, and what it means to have a meaningful and fulfilling life. And now that we are living longer lives, this midlife period, this "middlescence", can last a long and exciting time if we approach it with self-compassion and an open- minded, open-hearted state of mind.
Jung identified five stages of midlife development:
Let’s take a look at these developmental stages. There are five primary stages and to make things more confusing, the journey through these stages is usually nonlinear with overlaps and switch-backs along the way. Many aspects of the journey are reminiscent of the hormone-driven adolescence we all remember and is therefore often referred to as “middlescence” - essentially adolescence with the benefit of some wisdom and life experience. There are a lot of highs and lows along the way so having some guideposts helps! The term middlescence was first made popular by Gail Sheehy in her landmark book Passages.
The first stage, Accommodation, overlaps with your late 30’s. As a young professional you struggle to find the balance between looking for mentors and peers for guidance and examples, and your own instincts and sense of self. These are feelings that women struggle with in young adulthood and that may continue throughout your life and career while you are working on defining your success. As you climb the ladder to that success you usually tend to define it by both the expectations and the accomplishments of others.
The next stage is Separation. In this early period of the midlife journey, you begin to distance yourself from what others seem to want from you and begin to reject the “accommodated self”. This can manifest as a bit of acting out, or at least the impulse to do so. Remember that time of wanting to become “the boss of me” during your adolescence? Not everyone experiences this as what they would consider to be a “crisis” but it can be a bit of a challenge as your attention turns from what others want you to be and do to what you want to be and do. This isn't necessarily a smooth transition and can have some of the bratty and tormented feelings that adolescents experience. It is definitely a move toward authenticity and all that can mean on many levels.
The next two stages comprise some really juicy times of midlife! Liminality or “being at a threshold” can be an uncomfortable or unsettling time. It can also be a time a great spaciousness and exploration. To me, this and the next stage can be the most interesting stages of the midlife journey and where I focus a lot of my work with clients. You may feel restless and without direction. Some of my clients struggle at this stage and need help avoiding rash or hasty decisions like quitting a job prematurely or jumping into a new situation without clearly understanding the consequences. I call this “being out of sight of land and hunting for the right spot on the horizon”. If you can go with the flow, you can move into greater intimacy with your true self and a deeper, more aware relationship with yourself. You might also find that you are experiencing some deep grieving for what you let go of, rejected, or lost during the time of “separation” including your sense of what your “youth” was. You may begin to confront your mortality and feel a hunger for deeper sense of meaning and purpose in your life.
This is the adult moment in your life when you tend to ask:
• Am I in the right position?
• Am I in the right organization?
• Am I in the right career?
• Am I in the right relationship?
• Do I want to leave my job and start something completely different?
• Is there something more meaningful that I would find more fulfilling?
• Do I want to run away all by myself to a distant land far, far away?
Having someone who knows the territory and can guide you through this can be crucial.
Then - welcome to Reintegration. This is the time for gaining clarity about who you are now and becoming comfortable with that emerging identity. This can be a time of extreme creativity and entertaining lots of new ideas about what you want to do and want you want to contribute to the world. New adventures are embraced and explored; different parts of yourself are revealed and welcomed or rejected. This is a time when you come back to solid ground. This is also a time when the journey can be quite non-linear - finding yourself back in Liminality. You examine what you want your life to look like at this stage of your life. You will tend to make big decisions and potentially big moves to new choices. You will take concrete steps toward those things that give you a sense of greater purpose and deeper meaning in your life. My clients appreciate our partnership in creating a clear and strong action plan and then the support of being held accountable to that plan.
Individuation, the final stage in the midlife journey, is one of recognizing and integrating the various conflicts that have existed within you and appreciating having achieved a resolution to them. It is here that you come to accept who you really are - limitations and all. It is during this stage in life when a person's true identity emerges. Jung considered this time to be the spiritual maturation of the self. And, at this point you still have more life to live and different life stages to experience!
By the way, this all is happening while you are living your busy, demanding, stressful life at home and at work. And likely, this is all happening while your hormones are going crazy with peri-menopause - giving you hot flashes, sleepless nights, fatigue, migraines, seemingly out-of-control emotions, fog brain and a host of other symptoms - potentially as many as 40 of them. I can help you manage some of those, too!
Much of my understanding about midlife is informed by psychoanalyst Carl Jung, and the works of many who were inspired by his way of looking at life. Jung's belief was that midlife crisis is a spiritual crisis; a profound inflection point in one's life. Midlife is a time of entering into the heart of a sacred question - that is a deep dialogue with the self – about who we have been, who we are becoming, and what it means to have a meaningful and fulfilling life. And now that we are living longer lives, this midlife period, this "middlescence", can last a long and exciting time if we approach it with self-compassion and an open- minded, open-hearted state of mind.
Jung identified five stages of midlife development:
Let’s take a look at these developmental stages. There are five primary stages and to make things more confusing, the journey through these stages is usually nonlinear with overlaps and switch-backs along the way. Many aspects of the journey are reminiscent of the hormone-driven adolescence we all remember and is therefore often referred to as “middlescence” - essentially adolescence with the benefit of some wisdom and life experience. There are a lot of highs and lows along the way so having some guideposts helps! The term middlescence was first made popular by Gail Sheehy in her landmark book Passages.
The first stage, Accommodation, overlaps with your late 30’s. As a young professional you struggle to find the balance between looking for mentors and peers for guidance and examples, and your own instincts and sense of self. These are feelings that women struggle with in young adulthood and that may continue throughout your life and career while you are working on defining your success. As you climb the ladder to that success you usually tend to define it by both the expectations and the accomplishments of others.
The next stage is Separation. In this early period of the midlife journey, you begin to distance yourself from what others seem to want from you and begin to reject the “accommodated self”. This can manifest as a bit of acting out, or at least the impulse to do so. Remember that time of wanting to become “the boss of me” during your adolescence? Not everyone experiences this as what they would consider to be a “crisis” but it can be a bit of a challenge as your attention turns from what others want you to be and do to what you want to be and do. This isn't necessarily a smooth transition and can have some of the bratty and tormented feelings that adolescents experience. It is definitely a move toward authenticity and all that can mean on many levels.
The next two stages comprise some really juicy times of midlife! Liminality or “being at a threshold” can be an uncomfortable or unsettling time. It can also be a time a great spaciousness and exploration. To me, this and the next stage can be the most interesting stages of the midlife journey and where I focus a lot of my work with clients. You may feel restless and without direction. Some of my clients struggle at this stage and need help avoiding rash or hasty decisions like quitting a job prematurely or jumping into a new situation without clearly understanding the consequences. I call this “being out of sight of land and hunting for the right spot on the horizon”. If you can go with the flow, you can move into greater intimacy with your true self and a deeper, more aware relationship with yourself. You might also find that you are experiencing some deep grieving for what you let go of, rejected, or lost during the time of “separation” including your sense of what your “youth” was. You may begin to confront your mortality and feel a hunger for deeper sense of meaning and purpose in your life.
This is the adult moment in your life when you tend to ask:
• Am I in the right position?
• Am I in the right organization?
• Am I in the right career?
• Am I in the right relationship?
• Do I want to leave my job and start something completely different?
• Is there something more meaningful that I would find more fulfilling?
• Do I want to run away all by myself to a distant land far, far away?
Having someone who knows the territory and can guide you through this can be crucial.
Then - welcome to Reintegration. This is the time for gaining clarity about who you are now and becoming comfortable with that emerging identity. This can be a time of extreme creativity and entertaining lots of new ideas about what you want to do and want you want to contribute to the world. New adventures are embraced and explored; different parts of yourself are revealed and welcomed or rejected. This is a time when you come back to solid ground. This is also a time when the journey can be quite non-linear - finding yourself back in Liminality. You examine what you want your life to look like at this stage of your life. You will tend to make big decisions and potentially big moves to new choices. You will take concrete steps toward those things that give you a sense of greater purpose and deeper meaning in your life. My clients appreciate our partnership in creating a clear and strong action plan and then the support of being held accountable to that plan.
Individuation, the final stage in the midlife journey, is one of recognizing and integrating the various conflicts that have existed within you and appreciating having achieved a resolution to them. It is here that you come to accept who you really are - limitations and all. It is during this stage in life when a person's true identity emerges. Jung considered this time to be the spiritual maturation of the self. And, at this point you still have more life to live and different life stages to experience!
By the way, this all is happening while you are living your busy, demanding, stressful life at home and at work. And likely, this is all happening while your hormones are going crazy with peri-menopause - giving you hot flashes, sleepless nights, fatigue, migraines, seemingly out-of-control emotions, fog brain and a host of other symptoms - potentially as many as 40 of them. I can help you manage some of those, too!
