We are all now part of the Zoom phenomenon as we attend several meetings a day via video conference. For those of you in menopause there is still the question of how to deal with menopause at work even though you may not in the office. Menopause can still impact women’s work performance both on and off-screen.

One current benefit is that discussions of menopause in the workplace have finally reached mainstream in the US. When the Harvard Business Review is running articles like “It’s Time to Start Talking About Menopause at Work” we can see that times are changing. In order for the workplace to really start acknowledging the need to deal with menopause as a policy issue women need to demand it by talking about the fact of menopause and the impact that it has on day to day functioning in a matter-of-fact way. Sharing your experience of symptoms with female co-workers, asking how they are managing them and offering some of your own tips can begin to normalize the conversation.

Here are some tips for how to deal with menopause at work:

When you are on-screen you may be able to avoid the appearance of a hot-flash by having an out-of-site fan helping you stay cool. As always, I recommend having a glass of ice water handy to cool you down. By holding an ice-cold glass in your hand and sipping the cold water your temperature will go down and a hot-flash can be lessened or avoided all together.

You can more easily keep notes handy and off-camera to remind you of important points in your discussion when you are in a meeting. This can help get around the all too common issue of fog brain and lack of focus. Get out and go for a walk if you can. Even a brisk five to ten minute walk can help to clear your head.

Anxiety is an issue for many women in menopause and this can be exacerbated as we cope with the on-going COVID-19 crisis. Doing deep breathing exercises is one of the best ways to address anxiety. Deep-breathing or belly-breathing is done by taking a slow breath in through your nose to the slow count of four, holding your breath for a count of four and blowing your breath out your mouth for a slow count of four. Breathe deeply into your belly so that it expands with each breath. Do this six to eight for breaths several times a day.  Taking some quiet time for yourself and writing in a journal can be useful as can making a list of things that you are grateful for can also center and calm you.

Night sweats and general insomnia can cause daytime fatigue and can be one of the more difficult symptoms of menopause to deal with when you are working. Again, exercise during the day can help with getting some sleep at night. However, do allow yourself to take a short break and take a nap if you can. Try to avoid loading up on caffeine during the day as it can trigger hot-flashes and can disturb your sleep at night.

Your diet can help with symptoms as well. Eating a healthy diet of lots of fruits, vegetables and unprocessed foods is a good way to support your body in dealing with your shifting hormones.

Dry eyes can be one of the more challenging symptoms of menopause to deal with at work especially as you may be staring at a computer screen even more than usual these. Invest in some high quality eye-drops and use them as needed to avoid irritation.

And, finally, if you would like to speak with a menopause specialist you can find one in your area by going to the North American Menopause Society website and entering your zip code in the Find a Practitioner area.

Would you like a list of the 40 typical symptoms of menopause? You can get that here!

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in you career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

I love quotes. They are quick, little moments of inspiration that can brighten my day or give me an energy boost at a low point in my mental energy! I have put together a few of my favorites which are good quotes about success and valuing yourself

These quotes give me the kick in the butt that I sometimes want and need to get me out of a slump:


1. “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” —Eleanor Roosevelt

2. “If this is something that you really want to do, if you believe in it…simply keep forging forward because success will come.” — Cassandra Sanford

3. “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so that you can know who you are.” — Maya Angelou

4. “Please know I am quite aware of the hazards. I want to do it because I want to do it. Women must try to do things as men have tried. When they fail, their failure must be but a challenge to others.” — Amelia Earhart

5. “If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place.” — Nora Roberts

6.  “Be mindful that the world that you want to live in and that you need to live in needs you to create it; it needs your input. The world needs to hear what you have to say. The last word has not been spoken.” — Beah Richards
 
7.  “If you risk nothing, then you risk everything.” — Geena Davis

8. “Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” — Mary Tyler Moore

And, these good quotes about success always bring a big smile to my face!

9. “If it's a good idea, go ahead and do it. It's much easier to apologize than it is to get permission.” — Rear Admiral Grace Hopper

10. “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” — Katharine Hepburn

11. “If trying harder doesn’t work, try softer.” Lily Tomlin

12. “The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.” — Coco Chanel

13. “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” ― Helen Keller

14. “Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.”  —Anne Sweeny

15. “Live your life so outrageously out loud that the neighbors complain about the noise.” — Valerie Albarda

16. “Devote today to something so daring even you can't believe you're doing it.” — Oprah Winfrey

What are some of your favorite quotes? I would love to hear from you!

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

It is typical for women to experience midlife depression. This can be a depressed mood which can be experienced as having a bad day or being in a blue-mood. Another can be feeling depression as the result of a life experience that is typical of many women in midlife such as the death of a parent, spouse or a close friend; an empty-nest, divorce or job-loss. The most serious is a clinical depression which happens as a result of a chemical imbalance in the brain which can be a hereditary condition. The hormonal shifts that occur in midlife can exacerbate each of these types of depression.

Here are five things to do if you are experiencing midlife depression.

1. Think about why you might be feeling depressed and that will determine your course of action. Let’s start with feeling blue. This is the time to seek out a conversation with a good friend. It is also helpful to get some exercise as the increase in endorphins will elevate your mood. Engage in activities that you usually enjoy like listening to energizing music, do something creative or get out into nature where you can observe the beauty and enjoy the experience of being out in nature which is so healing for many of us. If your down mood persists, please consult your Dr. or a mental health professional.

2.   When you have experienced a loss that is causing your depression, give yourself the gift of compassion. Any of the losses I described above can be devastating - take yourself seriously and be kind and gentle with yourself. Loss causes us to experience grief and the journey of grief is unpredictable and non-linear. You may benefit from seeking the support of a therapist or time with a spiritual support person. It is also important to make sure that you are eating well, getting good sleep, and exercising. For some people a short course of anti-depressant medication can be helpful.

3.   If you feel that your midlife depression is actually a clinical depression it is important that you seek the advice of your doctor and additionally a mental health professional. How do you know? Some indications are that one can feel profound fatigue, a desire to sleep a lot or an inability to sleep, lack of ability to experience any joy or pleasure or the desire to seek out any, deep sadness, irritability and anger. Clinical depression is a serious condition and you deserve to get the attention to it that you need. It is, unfortunately, not unusual for women to want to both hide the experience of a clinical depression and to self-medicate a clinical depression with alcohol or other substances. Because our sexist and ageist culture is already hard on midlife women, the added pressure of a clinical depression can push a woman to her limits and self-harm can become a clear danger. Take this seriously and take care of yourself.

4.   As I mentioned, the hormonal shifts of menopause can exacerbate any of these experiences of depression. Your hormones can naturally start to shift as early as your late thirties to your late forties and this perimenopausal phase can last several years. This phase can make you feel that you are “losing your mind”! Many women experience a whole host of other symptoms that can make you feel depressed because of the impact they can have on other areas of your life - work, family and social relationships. These symptoms often include feelings of irritability and even rage, lack of ability to focus and concentrate, memory lapses, loss of libido and many physical symptoms that can cause concern and sometimes fear. You may want to talk with your Dr. about whether or not hormone replacement therapy is right for you and what kind would be your best choice. If you would like to contact a menopause specialist you can find one in your area by visiting the section of the North American Menopause Society website that allows you to search for one in your area by using your zip code. Here is the link to that: https://portal.menopause.org/NAMS/NAMS/Directory/Menopause-Practitioner.aspx

5.   The most important thing that you can do for yourself is to be informed. Step back and assess what you are feeling and why you think you might be experiencing it. Learn about the different types of a depressed mood as I have detailed above. Make a commitment take yourself seriously, take good care of yourself and seek the support that you need. There is no shame in experiencing depression - it is no different than any other physical disorder or injury. Your brain is part of your body! Regardless of the reasons that you are feeling depressed you deserve to get support and perhaps medical attention. You deserve to feel good!

If you would like to reach out for more information about the experience of midlife depression please contact me.

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

I recently had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing two amazing women about a product they have created to help women deal with menopause. Most of my clients are GenX women - women in their forties to mid-fifties, so they are right in the middle of that phase of their lives when they are most likely dealing with symptoms of perimenopause. (Perimenopause is the period of time from the very beginning of your hormonal changes to a year after your last period which is considered the moment of menopause.) However, symptoms don’t always end at the moment of menopause and can continue well into your sixties, so treatments that address these symptoms can help a huge portion of the population of professional women. Am I hearing an applause here? You bet!

Meet Carrie Mapes and Patty Pappas of Hello Again (https://helloagainproducts.com/)! Carrie and Patty have been friends for 20 years. Together they had visited dispensaries out of curiosity as they had realized that cannabis was being used to address some of the typical symptoms of perimenopause: anxiety, hot flashes, mood swings, low energy and mental fog. These are the very symptoms that plague my clients who are dealing with menopause at work.

Carrie and Patty and I met over Zoom one afternoon recently. I am thrilled to share our conversation with you:

A Time of My Own(ATOMO): You mentioned that you had “a light bulb moment”. Tell me about that.

Carrie and Patty(C/P): That was the moment when we realized that cannabis was uniquely suited to address menopause. And, like many women, we didn’t want to smoke or vape. We also realized that edibles are inconsistent. And, importantly, not everyone wants to “get high” to deal with menopause.

ATOMO: So what did you do?

C/P: With some research and exploration, we determined that a vaginal suppositories was the perfect delivery system. There are cannabinoid receptors in the female reproductive tract and that they have a quick reaction time. Fun fact: The brain is most dense area in body for cannabinoid receptors and the female reproductive tract is second most dense! The eventual uptake through blood vessels and capillaries allows for 6hour relief. An addition health benefit is that vaginal delivery system bypasses liver. Also, a vaginal suppository allowed us to address vaginal dryness which continues after menopause.

ATOMO: Wow, really interesting! How did this become an actual product?

C/P: We found a formulator. Another benefit of this phase of life is that we have more relationship connections! We put it out there and someone knew someone who knew someone. We bought a pharmaceutical grade suppository filling machine. This was the defining moment! We made the choice to develop our branding alongside the product which paid off because it enabled us to launch before Covid.

ATOMO: How did you handle the distribution?

C/P: We got it on the first dispensary shelves in February 2020 in two locations. Then Covid hit March 2020 but despite that we have broadened our dispensary reach to 12 outlets in five counties and our products are now available in San Francisco and Marin!

ATOMO: How exciting. You’ve gotten some great traction? What kinds of responses have you gotten?

C/P: The Feedback has been a true joy!  We are helping women of all ages with endometriosis pain, pms, menstrual cramps, arthritis, bursitis, libido. The anti-inflammatory properties of the CBD is really giving women a sense of well-being and addressing all sorts of inflammation-related aches and pains/conditions. Of course, getting a good night’s sleep is helping well-being as well.
ATOMO: So what are the products that you have?

C/P: We currently have two products. Both have same basic ingredients: Cocoa Butter, Avocado Oil and Vitamin E base with Apple Cider Vinegar for pH balance and Helichrysum which is anti microbial/bacterial. And then the different ingredients of the two products are:

Hello Again, Everyday
8CBD:1THC
16 mg CBD: 2 mg THC
Hops and Valerian Root – regulate temps
Rose Geranium – mood stability
Schisandra – focus and concentration
Green Tea and Rosemary – energy

Hello Again, Sleep
1CBD:4THC
5mg CBD:20mg THC
Melatonin, Lavender, Cape Chamomile, Roman Chamomile, Neroli Oil

ATOMO: Thanks for spending some time with me, Carrie and Patty. Any final thoughts you would like to share?

C/P: Yes. We would never would have done this as younger women. At this point in our lives we have less domestic responsibility, more wisdom and more relationships to depend on for resources and support. We are more comfortable in our own skin and trust in our own guts, we don’t care what people think and we energized by learning something new every single day.

ATOMO: Wonderful. I meet so may women in their mid to late forties and fifties who feel the same way. It is exciting to meet you - you are such inspired and inspiring women. I look forward to sharing your story with my clients and other women in my circle. Your products are a terrific resource for them.

C/P: Thank you, Barbara! It has been great talking with you.

Be sure to visit the Hello Again website! https://helloagainproducts.com/ Fewer hot flashes and more good night’s of sleep are a click away!

And, to learn more about how I support women whose lives and careers are being impacted by perimenopause (That would be you, GenX women!) Contact me!

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

Once you are in your forties, you are in a unique time in your adult life. Some mornings you wake up wondering, "Is this all there is?" Other times you feel a sense of gratitude and excitement at the possibilities! You realize that you are in a position to focus your time and energy on things that really matter to you.

Your desire to experience a sense of purpose and meaning in your life and your work is amplified…and you may feel an almost unstoppable urge to connect with yourself and your career in a deeper, more meaningful way as you are navigating midlife. At the core is a realization that you have finally arrived at a place of "Me Time".

And, given that people are, in general, living longer lives, this prime-time of your life can be decades long! You can explore multiple careers and live a long and full life that is healthy, vibrant and exciting.

While midlife is a normal stage in adult development, it can be a confusing and challenging time for many women. And, because senior executive and professional women are visible to so many, responsible for so much, and may have few, if any, confidants in the workplace, it can be a difficult experience. You have a lot on your plate and now you are perhaps feeling:

    •    ambivalent
    •    confused
    •    frustrated
    •    under-appreciated
    •    your skills are underutilized
    •    invisible
    •    unfulfilled
    •    curious and excited about the future and what you might be doing
    •   getting used to an "empty nest" and looking to exercise some new-found freedom, time and energy


Let’s take a look at these developmental stages. There are five primary stages and to make things more confusing, the journey through these stages is usually nonlinear with overlaps and switchbacks along the way. Many aspects of the journey are reminiscent of adolescence and are referred to as middlescence - essentially adolescence with the benefit of some wisdom and life experience. There are a lot of highs and lows along the way so having some guideposts along the way helps!

The first stage of midlife, Accommodation, overlaps with your late 30’s. As a young professional you struggle to find the balance between looking for mentors and peers for guidance and examples, and your own instincts and sense of self. These are feelings that women struggle with in young adulthood and that continue throughout your life and career while you are working on defining your success. As you climb the ladder to that success you usually tend to define it by the expectations and the accomplishments of others.

The next stage is Separation. In this early period of the midlife journey, you begin to distance from what others seem to want from you and reject the “accommodated self”. This can manifest as a bit of acting out, or at least the impulse to do so. Remember that time of wanting to become “the boss of me” during your adolescence? Not everyone experiences this as what they would consider to be a “crisis” but it can be a bit of a challenge as your attention turns from what others want you to do and be to what you want to do and be.

The next two stages comprise some really juicy times of midlife! Liminality or “being at a threshold” can be a very uncomfortable or unsettling time. It can also be a time a great spaciousness and exploration. To me, this and the next stage can be the most interesting stages of the midlife journey and where I focus a lot of my work with clients. You may feel restless and without direction. Some of my clients struggle at stage and need help avoiding rash or hasty decisions like quitting a job prematurely or jumping into a new opportunity without clearly understanding the consequences. I call this “being out of sight of land and hunting for a horizon”. If you can go with the flow, you can move into greater intimacy with your true self and move into a deeper, more aware relationship with yourself. You might also find that you are experiencing some deep grieving for what you let go of, rejected, or lost during the time of “separation” including your sense of what your youth was. You may begin to confront your mortality and a hunger for deeper meaning and purpose in your life.

This is the “Is This All There Is?” moment in your life when you tend to ask:
    •    Am I in the right position?
    •    Am I in the right organization?
    •    Am I in the right career?
    •    Am I in the right relationship?
    •    Do I want to leave my job and start something completely different?
    •    Do I want to run away all by myself to a distant land far, far away?

Having someone who knows the territory and can guide you can be crucial.

Then - welcome to Reintegration. This is the time for gaining clarity about who you are now and becoming comfortable with that emerging identity. This can be a time of extreme creativity and entertaining lots of new ideas about what you want to do and contribute to the world. New adventures are sought and experienced; different aspects of yourself are revealed and welcomed or rejected. This is a time when you come back to solid ground. You examine what you want your life to look like at this stage. You will tend to make decisions and moves to new choices. You will take concrete steps toward those things that give you a sense of purpose and deeper meaning in your life. My clients appreciate our partnership in creating a clear and strong action plan and then the support of being held accountable to that plan.

Individuation, the final stage in the midlife journey, is one of recognizing and integrating the various conflicts that have existed within you and appreciating achieving a balance between them. It is here that you come to accept all of who you really are - limitations and all. This is a celebratory time with my clients as they redefine "what is success?"

By the way, this all is happening while you are living your busy, demanding, stressful life at home and at work. And likely, this is all happening while your hormones are going crazy with peri-menopause - giving you hot flashes, sleepless nights, fatigue, migraines, fog brain…

Are you looking for a lighthouse to guide your journey?  Contact me!

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

What is midlife anyway? It is a term that elicits a lot of reactions from people in it, people approaching it and people past it. Midlife has gotten a bad rap. It is a psychological, emotional, spiritual, and cultural phenomenon that hits us in our late thirties to early forties and lasts until our 60s.

However, we commonly think of midlife as being at about 50 - which used to be considered old.  We are living longer and healthier lives these days well beyond eighty years and into our 90s. Midlife is the middle third of our lives consisting of five full adult stages of development before we reach what is considered the stages of old age. There are challenging aspects to it that are connected to our physiology, especially for women who feel the impact of perimenopause and menopause which can start as early as late 30s and is usually over in the early 50s. However it is more than that. Women are looking for a holistic approach to success.

It often starts with an urge—a feeling that a change is in the offing. Curiosity or concern might pop up as you wonder, “What is going on with me?” One might feel a little scared and maybe a little excited. It causes us to question if we are at the right place in our careers and in our lives; to look to what is next.

Some women are launched into the experience of midlife as a result of various life passages: becoming an empty-nester, losing a spouse or partner to divorce or death, a career road-block, or maybe the loss of a parent. This will cause some women to feel disconnected and disoriented.

However one arrives at the moment of realization of being at midlife, it is the threshold to a whole different experience of oneself. It is also the point at which we confront the question: “What is my life purpose?” As we mature into the process of sorting out our conflicting desires and impulses, the question becomes a clear voice from the inside seeking clarity about what it is we truly want in our lives; “Am I living the life I truly want to live?” Over time the coping styles and defense mechanisms of our childhood and young adulthood give way to a deeper questioning. There is a truth inside that wants to express itself.

Some women move through this process with little incident and come out the other side with a sense of clarity and peace of mind; for others it is a crisis. However, understanding the process can open the door to the excitement of this time of life—a time of re-igniting old passions and accessing new ones. It is a time to explore and reach for big dreams, to respond to the awakening of deep inner wisdom.

Redefining Cultural Norms

Midlife presents cultural challenges in that as we age, we seem to become more invisible. Herein lies a paradox. While a predominant message in our youth-oriented culture may lead us to experience ourselves as more invisible (and perhaps powerless), an inner power is emerging and we see ourselves more clearly than ever. The conscious choice to be present banishes our confusion and releases our energy. When we embrace the freedom to speak and live our true selves it becomes a passionate commitment. I often hear women in their 50s and 60s declare they feel that this is the most powerful time of their lives.

Midlife draws us into a mystery. If we are willing to enter into that seeming chaos, we are rewarded with fresh, creative energy and spirit. It means being willing to bear the challenge of insight and to confront what is no longer working for us. By coming into the full experience of ourselves, we unburden our souls and clear the way to live on purpose rather than randomly or worse, conditionally—“I will take some time for myself when ______. " Fill in the blank. At this time in our journey, we can feel true to ourselves and complete rather than feeling there is something missing. By remembering that we are the owners of our lives, we become powerful beyond measure.

As we let go of what has become familiar and move toward what is to be, we experience both a loss and an incredible craving. We grieve the loss of the patterns and the roles we have had in our lives up to this point, while we long for and connect with a new and deeper sense of meaning. This letting-go allows the heart, mind and soul to open to new personal and spiritual growth. We discover previously hidden and emerging talents, desires, and confidence. The longings for meaning, integrity, and wholeness are driving forces in midlife. Being present with those driving forces provides a promise of renewed clarity, enthusiasm, and strength.

In an economy that requires dual incomes even without children, women can feel trapped in their careers

The recent economy has made it necessary for many of us to delay retirement. As a result, some women have the experience of feeling trapped in their careers. If one is the sole bread-winner, it can forestall retirement to long after we imagined would be the case. Even in dual career couples, it can be the same story, especially if there are kids living at home or in college. Many women who have made their careers in the corporate setting are finding they hit a wall in their lives where they confront feeling unfulfilled. For some, this is a time for reassessment that involves a re-tooling of their career goals and a move to some position higher up the ladder or to a career shift. For others, it is a realization that fulfillment is not to be found in the corporate setting and peace of mind involves a journey out the door to something else altogether.

Some extremely talented and successful women find themselves burned out and miserable. The frustration in many cases has little connection to a glass ceiling and involves a soul-searching born of angst and the unexpressed self. There is a desire for freedom and the opportunity to do something that relates to their sense of purpose and meaning that they are not finding in the corporate setting. This desire for a mid-course correction causes many women to leave the corporate scene to start their own business. They want to run their own show and see that their time, energy and leadership is going into something they have personally created and have a vision and passion for. Women entrepreneurs who already run their own successful businesses may wonder if it is time to move the business in another direction or sell it altogether. Other women seek to contribute in the non-profit sector and find meaning in contributing to the larger good in that way. In any event, we seem to feel that something needs to change.

Enter the “Midlife Crisis:” Our Second Adolescence

But let’s get back to the moment that creates the urge in the first place. Our adult development, while unique to each of us, follows a fairly predictable, if non-linear, path. Many psychologists view the midlife developmental stages as the most significant time in our lives. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist, viewed midlife as the time of profound individuation, when we evolve into the whole being of our true self. And indeed, one of the major developmental tasks of midlife is facing the aging process and our own mortality. This can feel like a crisis. Trust me—it resolves and the fear diminishes. What takes its place is that feeling of excitement and renewed investment in life. Gail Sheehy named this time in our lives “middlescence” in her 1978 book Passages. I love the term and what it conjures.

As we reach this point, we find ourselves “out of sight of land,” leaving the past behind, but not sure what lies ahead. We are not exactly sure who we are and who we want to be. It is reminiscent of our adolescence when we tried on a bunch of personae to see what they felt like and how others responded to us. The difference here is that we are not very interested in what others think—we are more interested in how it feels to us.

The classic midlife crisis can show up here as we try to hold on to youth while we face the fact that we are mortal. It is this very confrontation with mortality that brings about the desire for purpose and meaning. We want to answer that question about our reason for living with something that makes sense in the larger scheme of things. We want to be creative, to give something to the world and to leave some kind of legacy. We want to express our innermost being in a way that feels deeply fulfilling and unique. We are stepping into our fully realized adult selves. For women, the journey is further complicated by the messages our culture broadcasts about women, youth, and beauty.

Feeling Like a Successful Woman Rather than an Old Woman

For many women, midlife is the beginning of feeling irrelevant. Our culture is a youth-oriented, visual, and innovation demanding culture. Even women who have reached the seeming pinnacle of their careers face the question, “Is this all there is?” Women begin to feel old as they notice not being noticed and valued, feel a difference in energy, and view endless media messages about how to look and feel younger. They are concerned with feeling the need to keep up with younger co-workers so as to not be discounted. As elders, we are not valued and revered for wisdom born of life experience and broad institutional knowledge that can be used to create success for a company and to mentor younger women to be great and confident leaders.

Fortunately, women do have more peer support these days. Women are feeling a sense of power about what they have accomplished and a freedom that comes from having proven oneself. There can also be feelings of restlessness that lead to an urge to do something more, something different, something that will leave evidence that you were here and mattered. That legacy may be a line of greeting cards or an international foundation, but it must fulfill the personal and individual desire to contribute in some way.

This experience can create an intense identity crisis for the professional woman. There may not be many people that a successful woman can confide in about her feelings of restlessness, confusion, and invisibility. Corporate and other professional women are in front of bosses, peers, direct reports, customers, or employees. Doubts and desires have to be concealed because they may be seen as weak and/or disengaged. In some cases if a woman finds out her desire to make a move was a passing fancy, a career can be damaged and derailed.

There are important choices to be made and they will be the guiding forces for the rest of your life.

Some women feel a career change is in order and make the mistake of leaving a position or selling a company when it was merely a sabbatical that was needed. Having reached a high level of accomplishment can make admitting a midlife crisis to oneself a daunting task. Finding you have been climbing the wrong ladder is a truth-telling conversation that requires a willingness to explore the unknown.

The challenge of a midlife crisis is to sort out what is going on inside so you can decide what to do on the outside. It is a very individual and personal journey; the opportunity to discover the next successful chapter. This journey can wind through unresolved childhood conflicts, unfulfilled dreams, and tamped-down passions. Add hot flashes to the mix, and you may be on a wild ride.

Midlife is a time of loss. While many people lose parents at a young age, midlife is the typical time for parents to become ill and pass. We may lose family members. We may also lose friends who decide to go off in their own new directions. This, of course, provokes that confrontation with mortality and the possibility of deep sadness, if not outright depression. This can be complicated by the physical, emotional and psychological accompaniments of perimenopause. Failing memory, lack of concentration, migraines, hot flashes, night sweats, crying spells, irritability and rage hardly make a women feel creative and successful.

Along with these symptoms may come feelings of boredom with life, career, friends, or spouse. Many women at this time want nothing more than to move into a cottage by the ocean with a good glass of wine, a good book and their cat or dog. This is a definite “Eat, Pray, Love” moment. There should be a built-in year-off that comes along with a midlife crisis!

Partly because of the realization that there is only so much time in our lives and partly because of the fluctuation of hormones, women can go through this with feelings of deep grief and loss – loss of people in our lives, loss of youth, changes in energy levels, loss of choices no longer possible, and maybe regrets about choices made. Some women find relief with a brief dosing of bio-identical hormones or herbs and a good relationship with an acupuncturist. This is a good time to find a medical menopause specialist. It is also a good time to engage with a coach who understands this time of life and be your guide through this unfamiliar terrain.

In the midst of all of this, there comes a feeling of rebirth. You wake up one morning hungry, maybe ravenous, for something new. An unusual urge has your attention, it invites you, and it compels you! Heading into the unknown is the great adventure of midlife. There is a wonderful mix of feelings such as curiosity, passion, restlessness, ambition, and a bit of fear. While it may feel confusing, it is exciting, because there is a willingness to take that journey into the unknown and paddle your boat to a shore that is just now becoming visible. There are important choices to be made and they will be the guiding forces for the rest of your life. It is an important time to seek support and make this a fruitful experience.

It’s “ME TIME!”

“Me time” is an absolute necessity. You need time to reflect, to listen to your inner voice, to explore your passions and gain clarity about your next steps. Getting together with other women to get support, share insights and develop strategies is important; it is another good way to take that needed “me time.” The relationships you develop in a small group environment can be a gift to you as you go through this self-redefining process.

As women move into and through midlife, we become more aware of the process. The more we avail ourselves of support, the more enlightening the experience is. Understanding what you are going through reduces stress, increases energy, opens your mind to new ways of dealing with your mood and other symptoms, taking purposeful steps toward that something new and can bring levity, harmony, and joy. Ultimately it is an exciting, invigorating and empowering time.

There is so much creative potential in this experience. Women see possibility everywhere and gingerly step out and seek that special something that generates meaning and serves a purpose. It is an exciting time of life and a moment to embrace!

Feeling that midlife crisis? I can help - contact me!

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

Some of the most challenging aspects of perimenopause in the workplace are hot flashes, foggy brain, fatigue and memory loss. But the most potentially career derailing is the out-of-the-blue, white-hot, I’m-going-to-rip your-face-off rage. It is incredible and seems to come out of nowhere!

You don’t like it, your colleagues and direct reports are frightened of it, and your boss may want to fire you because of it. Not to mention that your usual sources of support, your spouse, kids, friends are wondering where their spouse, mom, friend went. It is time to get a handle on it!

What is most important to remember is that you are not a bad, horrible, out-of-control b*tch. You are a normal woman experiencing some of the most difficult aspects of perimenopause. This will end and in the meantime you deserve understanding and support from everyone including yourself. Take good care of yourself. I will repeat this at the end of this post so that it sinks in.

First let’s look at what is going on. From sometime in your late thirties to your mid-forties your hormones start to fluctuate wildly. Specifically, your estrogen levels are going nuts and declining and your progesterone level is declining. Progesterone acts as a natural antidepressant and also helps minimize anxiety. When your estrogen drops, so does your serotonin and other mood and stress moderating brain chemicals. This dance can continue for a while until your hormones stop the wild fluctuations and your body gets use to the new chemical you. As a result, irritations, annoyances, frustrations can escalate to rage in an instant. This is further complicated by the above mentioned hot flashes, fatigue, etc.

There are a lot of brain chemicals, called neurotransmitters, such as serotonin, dopamine, epinephrine (aka adrenaline) that are chemical messengers that facilitate communication from one cell to another and allow brain cells to “talk to one another”. They are all involved in the development of perimenopausal rage.

When you have high levels of dopamine and serotonin your emotions and reactions to events are more positive and you are able to let things go more easily. When they are low and you encounter an event that causes your adrenaline to spike because it has caused a fight or flight response, you are much more likely to fly into a rage. So, when a team member fails to deliver or your boss is demanding that your performance be better or you are threatened by a peer, instant rage can take hold of you.

What to do, oh, what to do?

In the short term - like in the moment that you are ready to fly into attack mode - stop and breathe. Stopping and taking a few deep breaths can give you a moment to gather your wits, calm down and let you say “I need a moment” in whatever way is most comfortable you in a given situation.

In general, you can manage your brain chemistry by:

• Getting a good amount of exercise. Exercise produces endorphins which are natural feel good chemicals
• Eating a healthy diet of non-processed foods high in vegetables, fruits, grains and clean proteins and minimizing caffeine and alcohol
• Developing a stress reducing meditation or mindfulness practice, doing yoga, taking long walks in nature, laughing with your family and friends, drawing silly and colorful pictures of your world

When you are in a calmer state of mind, it is time to look at what you may be angry about - it really isn’t ever the thing that is happening when the flash of rage occurs. Women are discouraged from expressing any  negative emotions, especially in the work environment. This is related to the “like-ability bind that women are in. So, rage is way out of the continuum of options for women!

As a result, women stuff a lot of feelings of frustration, disappointment, irritation, sadness and confusion. The issues that women tackle at midlife are challenging and can cause a woman to question herself, her choices, her identity and her possible future. These are big and deeply rooted issues around energy levels, sexuality, attractiveness, mental acuity, ability to compete with younger colleagues, and perceived opinions of others.

Midlife can also resurface unresolved issues from other aspects of your life - family, relationships, career and friendships that keep your vulnerabilities alive and ready to pounce. It is time to face and deal with these issues and resolve them because when a difficult situation catches you off-guard and triggers your emotions, your hormonal party dance can grab you in an instant.

I will say again: What is most important to remember is that you are not a bad, horrible, out-of-control b*tch. You are a normal woman experiencing some of the most difficult aspects of perimenopause. This will end and in the meantime you deserve understanding and support from everyone including yourself. Take good care of yourself.

You can do this, you can reclaim control! I can help - contact me!

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

In the year 2018 there are about 31 million women in the US workforce who are between the ages of 45 and 64. 80% of these women will experience symptoms related to perimenopause. Of the 80% of 31 million, about 25% will experience symptoms so severe that they will consider quitting their jobs.

Many women don’t know enough about menopause to know how to best prepare themselves so that it is better manageable. Many women don’t know what perimenopause is and don’t know how to identify what is happening when it starts. And, many women don’t know how to manage the symptoms that they are experiencing when they are in perimenopause. Some of the symptoms can be scary and cause one to think that there is a serious medical problem.

You might ask: Why is this important and what is all the fuss about? Based on information from my own clients - women in professional/corporate positions - and from women who have participated in research that I have been doing, women are having a really difficult time of it! If this is you, here is some useful information.

All women go through menopause. Perimenopause can start as early as your late thirties. It usually lasts a few years - 3 or 4. However, if it starts early, it may be over a decade. Some women who have certain medical conditions and treatments experience it very early. The symptoms can include whole host of our body’s systems, the most typical of which are hot flashes, night sweats, sleeplessness, irritability that can escalate to absolute rage, big mood swings, lack of ability to concentrate, poor memory, frustration, lack of libido, heart palpitations, migraines - just to name of few. Our hormones levels - primarily estrogen - are dipping. And because estrogen is located in most our bodily systems, we can experience some pretty unnerving things!

Added to this, we live in a very youth obsessed culture and there is a lot of gendered agism that women experience. Nothing says old woman like menopause in the minds of people in our communities and workplaces - including in our own minds! As a result, there is a big stigma attached to being perimenopausal/menopausal. Most professional women, especially women not in any kind of healthcare organization, are loathe to have anyone know that they are experiencing symptoms.

Many women who have a difficult time with symptoms are often seen by their teams/direct reports, their peers and their bosses as not performing well in any number of ways. This can be very damaging to your career.

What is a woman to do? Well, instead of hiding out or suffering take care of yourself. Little things you can do on your own are:

• Be mindful of how you dress - dress in layers
• Don’t wear silk anything - dresses, blouses, scarfs - silk holds in body heat and when you are feeling cold that is great. When you are having a hot flash it can be a disaster
• If you are doing a presentation, always have a glass of iced cold water handy. It is great to hold in your hand if you are experiencing your own little micro-climate hot spell it can help to cool you down. Also, sip the water
• Stay away from spicy foods and coffee as they will tend to bring on hot flashes
• Get a small battery operated fan for you desk
• Try to find someone you can talk to: an understanding manager - female or male, an understanding HR professional - female or male. (Don’t forget that men have mothers and may have wives or girlfriends who have experienced what you talking about! Many of them ”get it” ) Ask about some flexibility in your schedule so that you may be able to come in late if you have had a sleepless night or work from home if irritability has you trapped in a volatile state! You may at least want to give some people a “heads-up” so that they understand that you are experiencing something normal and natural rather than thinking that you have become a problem employee.

Times are changing and some companies or at least individuals within your company are aware that menopause“is a thing” and deserves some consideration as does pregnancy, or a family illness or other crisis, or your own illness or other crisis. This doesn’t make you a bad person! It is a temporary state of being with an end-point.

Need some extra support and guidance? Contact me!

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

I’ve been reading a lovely set of books by Cathleen Rountree on women’s aging. I am now re-reading the interviews in her book “On Women Turning 50”. They make me smile. These women reflect what I so often see in my clients: that women in their 50s, 60s and 70s are some of the most content, empowered, creative and visionary women that I know. These women remind me of why I developed a fascination with midlife when I was in my twenties - I knew then that women in that age group were dynamic and exciting and were my role models, my mentors.

Women, in our youth focused and ageist culture are afraid of aging; they are both offended by and defended against the word midlife. I love engaging with women in my workshops and my individual clients about the confusion around midlife as a time of loss and decline. Yes - there are definitely stages that we mature through that bring us face to face with loss, with physical challenges, with deep questions around the restless we experience at this time in our lives. These same women go on to be engaged, joyful, invested, influential. These same women go on to enjoy new found interests, deepened interests, big visions and goals, satisfaction and appreciation for being a woman with extensive experience and wisdom.  

Some of us do indeed experience crises in midlife - difficult symptoms during peri-menopause, loss of parents or other loved ones, loss of close friends, divorce, we confront our own mortality. We move through these challenges with greater or lesser hardship, with greater or lesser grace. And yet, time heals, menopause happens and the symptoms end. If we allow ourselves to continue along the path into what often feels like the deep and dark unknown, we eventually arrive at clarity and a rediscovered curiosity and zest. We awaken to realize that we are still in midlife with often decades of life to live before we get old. Decide to enjoy it to its fullest!

Need some support and guidance on how to have more fun?
Contact me!

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.

Women arrive at midlife to perhaps find themselves surprised by emotional pain, upheaval, rebirth and transformation. It’s entirely normal, and ridiculously common. In my last couple of articles I offered you some thoughts on this transformative time and how you can use it to your benefit.

Welcome to the new world of midlife. The first and most important new rule of midlife is that we can say the word “midlife”. We can talk about it in polite company and not in the hushed tones of being “a woman of a certain age”. We even get to talk about aging with grace and wisdom. We get to talk about menopause and peri-menopause and to learn about what is happening and how to deal with it.

So, in this article let’s talk about some of the physical and psychological aspects of peri-menopause and menopause. At least once every couple of weeks, a client will ask me, “I feel like I am losing my mind! Do any of your other clients feel like this?” What this intelligent, over-busy, already stressed senior executive woman is experiencing is absolutely common for a woman in her early forties to mid-fifties. What she may be experiencing could be any or all of the following: sleeplessness, restlessness, fatigue, night sweats, hot flashes, memory lapses, heightened and unpredictable emotional reactions, migraines, depression, anxiety, irritability and loss of libido. The reason this may all be happening to you too, is that your hormones are starting to shift around. It is not unlike the kind of hormonal craziness that happens in adolescence.

For some women, these symptoms are accompanied by the stressful challenges of raising equally hormonal teenagers and/or taking care of aging or infirm parents or other relatives. Not fun.

It helps to know that this is a normal and temporary state of affairs and that there are lots of ways to address it. I recommend a mindfulness practice to all of my clients - learning the profoundly valuable practice of some form of meditation and use of deep breathing. These are invaluable for addressing anxiety and stress. I also recommend getting your hormone levels tested and having a conversation with your Medical Doctor, Nurse Practitioner or someone who practices Naturopathic Medicine. You may choose to consider some form of temporary hormone replacement therapy (HRT). Acupuncture and herbal remedies can address many of the symptoms such as hot flashes and associated sleep disturbances. Diet and exercise are relevant and important for most of these symptoms.

I also recommend simple fixes for the busy executive:

• Dress in layers so that you can respond to your own changing micro-climates.
• Don’t wear silk scarves - they keep the heat in around your neck and amplify the experience of a hot-flash and the accompanying anxiety.
• Keep a glass of ice-water (lots of ice!) handy. When you are in an important meeting or doing a presentation the simple act of wrapping your hand around a cold glass of water can nip a hot-flash in the bud. Also - drink the ice-cold water!
• When you are feeling anxious and irritable, stop and take several slow, deep breaths. Deep breathing helps your body and mind to relax.
• Eating spicy foods and drinking alcohol and caffeine may exacerbate your symptoms so observe your own reactions.
• Get out of the office and take a brisk walk for a few minutes.

This ends - trust me. It is not your new normal.

Resources for Mindfulness and Meditation

• Mindful – learn more and get started with meditation
• Headspace – short, guided meditations, tiered “freemium” membership options
• 10% Happier, Dan Harris – For those of you who think meditation will never work for you, this is the place to start. The ABC News anchor writes candidly about his experiences with stress, anxiety, trying to quiet his overactive mind, and meditation. He’ll make you laugh, and he’ll bring the concept of meditation into focus for the driven, ambitious executive.
• The Greater Good – everything from the science behind mindfulness to definitions, exercises, webinars and classes.
• The Art of Mindfulness - a deep and practical guide into mindfulness

I can help you be the best midlife executive! Contact me.

I am Dr. Barbara Mark, an executive, career development and life strategies coach for professional women in their 40s, 50s and 60s - the prime of life and the most dynamic decades of your professional life! If you would like some support in your career and/or your life please feel free to schedule a free consultation with me or sign up for my newsletter.